Raising Happiness-Teach Self-Discipline

The ability of self-regulate is an important key to success and happiness.Self-discipline facilitates learning and information processing. Self-disciplined kids cope better with frustration and stress and tend to have a greater sense of social responsibility.

The Go system in our brains is the basis of our emotions and fears and passions. It helps us process emotional information quickly and react fast when we are in danger. It makes us grab that marshmallow instead of patiently waiting for researcher to return. The Go system reacts to external stimulus and is literally under stimulus control rather than self control.

The Know system is the seat of self-regulation and self-control. It is slow and strategic, taking time to think and consider consequences. The go system is thought to exist at birth. The know system develops throughout childhood.

How to be an authoritative parent:
Set clear firm limits, do follow-through,supervision and be there.
but don't be controlling, even in a well-meaning way.
Exude warmth.
Don't react to misbehavior, preempt it.

Techniques that cool the go system and engage the know system:
play games that teach self-regulation. Simon Says and Freeze Tag. Cooking.

Let kids ample time for complex imaginative play. Unstructured and imaginative playtime builds executive function in kids, an important cognitive skill related to self-regulation. Martial arts, dance, music, and storytelling build self-discipline by requiring kids to hold complex info in their mind.

Encourage self talk. Another reason why imaginative play is good for building self-regulation is that it often involves the kids' talking to themselves or their playmates in a way that directs their actions. Encourage kids to talk to themselves and listen to that little voice in their head.

Teach them to distract themselves.

Reduce their stress

Turn off the boob tube.

Have realistic expectations.

The thing with punishment--physically punitive practices such as spanking as well as threatning behaviors such as yelling, grabbing, and verbal coercion, is, they are ineffective.

Alphie Kohn king of don't reward or punish your kids. his book--Punished by Rewards.
Beyond Bribes, threats and dangling carrots:

pick your battles. If you are having a hard time rationalizing your request, maybe it isn't important enough.

Use a light touch. Thinking in terms of creating structure and limits rather than in terms of control. There is a world of difference between setting limits--establishing the structure you need to disciplin--and bossing kids around.

Appeal to kids reason.