Expect effort and enjoyment, not perfection

Repeat after me "I don't care whether you win or lose"
parents who overemphasize achievement are more likely to have kids with high levels of depression, anxiety, and substance abuse compared to other kids.

I know you can do it if you put your mind to it.
You did really well. You must have worked hard.
When we praise children for the effort and hard work that leads to achievement, they want to keep engaging in that process. They are not diverted from the task of learning by a concern with how smart they might or might not look.
When we praise our kids by unintentionally attributing their successss to their innate gifts, we hand them a recipe for anxiety and joyless achievement.

We can praise our kids all day long, as long as we are attributing success to things such as effort, commitment, resourcefulness, hard work and practice.

How to criticize our kids
when we feel disappointed in a child, it is important to approach the topic constructively. outright criticism rarely achieves the results we are after. The best first step is often to do nothing. Cool off and wait until you have your emotions in check. bring it up later when you're able to use a tone of voice that sounds loving and inquisitive rather than disappointed and critical.
Then ask them to evaluate their performance or behavior themselves:“ARE you happy with what you did” "Is there anything you would do differently next time" . Tone matters. Your tone should communicate love and support, not accusation and judgement.
Second, make it clear that you see failure as an event, not an identity.

Failure
The ability to learn and recover from failure is an essential life skill.Rather than seeing failure as fertile ground for learning and growth, too often we treat it as something to be avoided at all costs. That's all, just a mark missed.